Transformation Thursday: Rollercoaster Ride

Everyone that reads this blog must think I have serious issues and need help. Truth is, I probably do, but I believe in helping myself. Not that people who get help from others are wrong for doing so, but when you’ve lost your best friend (my mother in law, by the way, yes.) because of meds a careless doctor fed her, because she didn’t have the best insurance–and you yourself do not have insurance or money… you tend to be anti professional help. This could be a large soure of my problems, but in recognizing that, I am finding ways to work through it. Healthy ones, not destructive ones.

Anyway, this week went from really discouraging (like last week) to promising. Things are looking up in terms of work and in terms of my relationship.

Jaytee is having a really hard time finding a job, and as a result, having a really hard time staying positive. We talked to each other as real people, forgetting the things that make us angry, and have resolved to fight together against the world, instead of fighting against each other with the world. We’re discussing options and courses of action to take on several different avenues, and I believe in my heart that we will triumph and laugh in the face of those who believe otherwise.

I started the Love Dare today. Originally, I wasn’t going to say anything to Jaytee, but he was here when I got the book, and naturally was inquisitive about it.

He and I are not very religious people. We have our beliefs and faith, and nothing is weird about it, but we don’t go to Church or read the Bible. I won’t go into that here, but because the Love Dare is faith based, I thought it would be a little strange for us, but knew it would just be another facet of learning, awakening and growth.

At any rate, he said he would do it with me, which is something I never expected to hear. I hoped to hear it, but understood that it may not happen, and I was not going to push the issue. He asked me what Day 1 was, and said it should not be one sided. I’m amazed.

I fought going back to bidding sites for work, for as long as I could. I decided to go back to it, because money is there on project completion, rather than certain days. It’s less money per piece, but I need to make sure my eggs are in more than one basket.

I went to Rent a Coder. I got accepted for one project and it immediately turned into more ongoing work, and even a web design for me. The client wants a site but doesn’t have a budget or timeline. I need websites to do for free without the pressure of deadlines to gain confidence in my ability to put myself out there for the purpose of being a web designer. The power of networking is very awesome.

So even though this week has been one hell of an up and down week, I think I am getting back on track. I had a mini-meltdown in private last night when Jaytee was gone and Joe was in bed, but I feel better this morning.

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