Transformation Thursday: Rollercoaster Ride

Everyone that reads this blog must think I have serious issues and need help. Truth is, I probably do, but I believe in helping myself. Not that people who get help from others are wrong for doing so, but when you’ve lost your best friend (my mother in law, by the way, yes.) because of meds a careless doctor fed her, because she didn’t have the best insurance–and you yourself do not have insurance or money… you tend to be anti professional help. This could be a large soure of my problems, but in recognizing that, I am finding ways to work through it. Healthy ones, not destructive ones.

Anyway, this week went from really discouraging (like last week) to promising. Things are looking up in terms of work and in terms of my relationship.

Jaytee is having a really hard time finding a job, and as a result, having a really hard time staying positive. We talked to each other as real people, forgetting the things that make us angry, and have resolved to fight together against the world, instead of fighting against each other with the world. We’re discussing options and courses of action to take on several different avenues, and I believe in my heart that we will triumph and laugh in the face of those who believe otherwise.

I started the Love Dare today. Originally, I wasn’t going to say anything to Jaytee, but he was here when I got the book, and naturally was inquisitive about it.

He and I are not very religious people. We have our beliefs and faith, and nothing is weird about it, but we don’t go to Church or read the Bible. I won’t go into that here, but because the Love Dare is faith based, I thought it would be a little strange for us, but knew it would just be another facet of learning, awakening and growth.

At any rate, he said he would do it with me, which is something I never expected to hear. I hoped to hear it, but understood that it may not happen, and I was not going to push the issue. He asked me what Day 1 was, and said it should not be one sided. I’m amazed.

I fought going back to bidding sites for work, for as long as I could. I decided to go back to it, because money is there on project completion, rather than certain days. It’s less money per piece, but I need to make sure my eggs are in more than one basket.

I went to Rent a Coder. I got accepted for one project and it immediately turned into more ongoing work, and even a web design for me. The client wants a site but doesn’t have a budget or timeline. I need websites to do for free without the pressure of deadlines to gain confidence in my ability to put myself out there for the purpose of being a web designer. The power of networking is very awesome.

So even though this week has been one hell of an up and down week, I think I am getting back on track. I had a mini-meltdown in private last night when Jaytee was gone and Joe was in bed, but I feel better this morning.

Need Help

I need help. Student loans are starting to come due, and I have a decision to make. Here are my options:

One: Stay away from more school and pay the loans. (This is my first favorite idea, but I’m scared.)

Two: Go back to AiO for the Interactive Media and Web Design B.S. which I am at least half way through with my current credits.

Three: Go back to AiO for the Advertising B.S. which I am also at least half way through with my current credits. (This is my second favorite idea.)

Four: Go back to another school for a completely different program.

Help! I can’t make up my mind.

The Love Dare Project

I was supposed to start the Love Dare on Valentine’s Day, but of course, I waited too long to order the book. :) I’ll start as soon as it gets here, and in the meantime, enjoy reading everyone else’s journey.

Update: My book came yesterday. I started Day one today. I think this is going to be an excellent growth and learning experience for my marriage. :) I told hubby about it, and he said he’d do it too, because it shouldn’t be one sided.

I know those of you that know about what’s been going on with hubby think I’m nuts. I honestly believe that I’ve made the right decision and things may get bleak again, but they’ll be handled much differently, as we’re finding new understanding and respect for one another.

I am so grateful to Toni for tweeting about this, as I never would have found it. In sharing her idea with the rest of her network, she is going to help so many other relationships strenghthen and broaden. I am so excited, so happy, and eager. Thanks Toni.

Dear Kid Saturday: Helping Mom

Dear Joe,

This week has been stressful for Mom. You usually enjoy adding to the stress, and I’m not sure what changed this week. Whatever it is, I like it.

You were so good when we went to dinner at Rita’s. You ordered your food yourself, which I’d never seen you do before. By the way, the way you spoke to the waitress, “Jennifer, I’d like to have the cheesy tortilla, with pink lemonade please.” was so darn cute. If you were that nice to me, I’d just eat you up with hugs and kisses.

You’ve been working hard on your stuff at MyNoggin and with Blue’s Clues Kindergarten. It shows, too, because you’re learning about the solar system and naming planets to Mom a lot. You’re so very smart and I am so proud of you. I think you’re actually starting to look forward to school in August.

You’re very excited about today being Valentine’s Day. I asked you to make me a pretty Valentine’s Day card, and you said no, but you did say you’d be my Valentine. :)

You’re a bit upset by the fact that Dad and I are going out today, alone, to celebrate. See, Mom and Dad have had a rough time lately, and it’s time for them to spend some time loving each other, instead of wanting to scream at the sight of each other.

At any rate, if you’re good for Granny Grace today, Mama will bring her Valentine something really nice, okay?

Lots of Love,


Transformation Thursday: At a loss

Okay, I had no idea what to title this one. Really, this week has a been a bad one, but of course, at the tail end of it I see things picking up.

Hubby and I had issues from Thursday-Sunday. I don’t want to talk about it. I won’t talk about it unless I like and trust you. Don’t ask.

Waiting to hear from the bank on what I need to clean up before they’ll give me the loan. Apparently, they raised the minimum score, just out of my reach and therefore still require a cosigner, which I still do not have. Don’t really know what to do at this point.

Slacking at work because things started to look grim, but I think things are picking up. A private client I’d not heard from in months seems to have a steady flow of things ready for me. Less money per job, but I’ve worked with him almost a year now, and I love him to absolute death.

Working on things getting better, as always. Just experienced a setback. We’ll be back on track soon. :)

Family Dinner @ Rita’s Cantina

In October, had an 80% off special. That means $25 gift certificates cost $2. I got a few of them and held on to them. Tonight, I realized that you only had to spend $35 to be able to use it–so that meant I could get a good meal for around the price of a pizza or fast food.

We went to Rita’s Cantina (if you didn’t notice the post title, hehe) which I’m sure is only local. We’d never been there before, so we didn’t know what to expect. Price wasn’t really an issue, because of the certificate I knew we couldn’t really go overboard.

Well, Joe’s quesadilla was $3.25. I thought surely it would come with something more than cheese stuffed in a tortilla, but nope. I got chimichangas, for $9.45. Jaytee got the burrito supreme for $11.25. We sat waiting on our food, which didn’t take long, so that was a plus (or was it?)

I was greatly disturbed because instead of offering crayons to color the menu (covered in games and activities for a child, but impossible to do without a writing utensil…I’m not carrying crayons, or letting him loose with ink) the waitress was willing to provide play-dough. Not only did she suggest it to him before asking how we felt, but it’s not appropriate at the dinner table at home, let alone a public restaurant.

So, our food gets there, and for the price, we expected something larger. I don’t eat much, so if I go out, the left overs are always enough for at least another meal. This was still the case for me tonight, because I filled up on chips and salsa. Seriously people, the burritos at Taco Bell are larger than the main portion of our meal. Um, Taco Bell has combo meals that come with beans and rice just like ours, for around $6.

So, yeah, maybe this food tastes better than any other tex-mex… maybe that’s why it’s so high. HAHA. Now, it certainly tastes better than dog food, but not better than anything I could make at home. I’m pretty good in the kitchen, but still. Maybe because the waitress ranted and raved about all the menu items, I set the bar a little too high.

So, waitress is attentive, but rude. She came back and said, “If he can’t have play-dough, can he have a “b-a-l-l-o-o-n?” We said yes, seconds before Joe says, “Oh a balloon!” She made sure to ask his favorite color and he got his balloon.

(I understand not all children can spell and read as he can, and he does look younger than he is, but after he ordered his food by himself…I guess I found it insulting… not because she spelled it, but because her tone suggested it was a consolation prize because we were wrong to not allow him the play dough.)

We get the check. It’s $38 something, with a polite  and convenient (in any other case, maybe I was in a bad mood) tip calculation for 15-25%. She checked my certificate to make sure gratuity did not have to be added–how presumptuous…I’m not a bad tipper, but uh… I’m not an idiot either. Listen to me when I say it is not required. Do I look like a party of 8 to you? They were aware they take these certificates, train the lady right! I gave her a $20, grabbed my leftovers, thanked her and left.

$22 bucks for a meal that cost $45 with tax and tip, I still can’t complain. It was worth that, but had I just strolled in without that gift certificate, I’d have been really upset.

Yeah okay, I’m in a pissy mood… Sorry Rita’s. But one more thing. Your website sucks.

Save the Words

1233879291_lwatrousDo your part! Adopt a word from Save the Words. My word tecnolatry means “the worship or idolatry of children.” I love them, but don’t quite worship them.

Transformation Thursday: Feeling Sluggish

This week sucked. My big $$ temp job that was supposed to run through March, has been on hold for two weeks. There goes the money goal. My BH writers caused me to slave and be chained to my desk with a few other good writer friends of mine because no one knows how to follow deadlines. Now, having to crack down and losing a lot of them to plagiarism. Ugh.

I got my glasses and contacts, just in time because my old glasses broke.

It’s been cold and snowy for the past few days. The heater has been running down here all day full blast, and still it stays between 55 and 59 degrees. I’m starting to get sick. I am going to fall behind on deadlines.

Father in law is out of town and my evil step mother in law has conveniently “forgotten” to check the fax machine for two days. I am so about to give up the hope of a house.

I need a virtual scream.

Still hoping

I need a cosigner. My father in law is willing to try–pretty much only because I agreed to parent another child with his son! LOL They have been on us since Joe was about two (I was 20 people, come on) to have another baby… and he said if he helps us get on our feet, he wants another grandchild. Why? I don’t know. He lives in WA state, so far away from me, he’s only seen Joe once.

Good thing I ordered glasses, because mine broke today. After four years, I’d say they held up fairly well.

More tomorrow…or whenever I get around to it.

Dear Kid Saturdays: Good vs. Bad

Dear Joe–

The beginning of the week was great. You were so good while Mommy and Daddy and Grandma took care of the car stuff. You sat very quietly, and we had a few issues with you putting your hands in your mouth (and that bothers Mom, a lot.) but you were very courteous to the people at the car place and even flirted with the lady a bit. You did a great job listening when I asked you to stop putting your hands in your mouth after touching all the cars.

You did an excellent job at the eye doctor the next day, and Mommy is oh-so-proud of you for that! Yay for no glasses and your football shaped eye (at least you’re excited but it makes Mommy worry!)

However, I’m disappointed with your behavior a couple days ago while your dad and I were out talking to the people about our house. Granny Grace said that you were very mean and did not want to listen to her at all. She said she had to spank you because you were going to fall and hit your head and she figured the spanking would hurt less than the trip to the ER.  (Granny *hates* spanking and doesn’t believe in it unless it *has* to be done. She teared as she told me she had to!) She even had to call me! You begged her not to tell on you because you knew you’d be in trouble, which shows that you know what you’re doing is wrong.

You are not happy with me right now because I will not let you go visit your grandma (so she gets a few days off before I really need her to care for you again) and because I took away some toys.

You need to learn that being nice in public counts, but being nice at home is just as important. Granny Grace took care of your Grandpa Dave, and your Mom. She takes care of your Grandpa and she needs you to be a super good boy. You may find rewards for good behavior to be more fun than punishments for bad behavior. You missed going to the movies with me and Dad today because of how you treated your grandmother. It was a surprise you ruined without realizing it!

At any rate, I love you more than anything. I hate to see you cry and pitch fits, but you’ll learn someday.

Hugs, Love, and Kisses,


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